When It Rains and You Can't Dance In It

It's been a tough couple of weeks for me.

I have been so sore and even when I change my medication there's nothing I can do. I feel tied to it now. I can't function if its been over 4 hours since my last dose. And just so you know, the medication is to be taken every four hours as needed. I don't take it overnight b/c that's just silly. You can't feel physical pain while dreaming. Well, reality pain anyway.

I hate that this is what my life is leading to. I spend three years on the same medication and it doesn't work. one that i took every 12 hours. (it never really worked but if i took it regularly it would build up in my system and offer at least some relief) I wish there was something else I could do. And I know I have talked about my problems alot, but I sure as hell don't get any response b/c no one reads my blog, but that's fine. I like having my vent even if I don't get attention b/c that's not what I'm after. This is just like a journal without the need to haul one around with me.

On top of my disks in my back, i now suffer from acid intolerance and every medication i try just makes me sick to my stomach. I try to enjoy the normal things in life but I can't because my stomach cant handle it. Does this seem fair? I'm sure my pains are just from all of the medicine that I've been on and I could tough through it most days. It is just that some days are really, really bad.

On top of all of that. I have no food in this house... or well I do but it so scanty that there's not even a semi-delectable way to combine anything i have. I have hamburger patties, pre-made and super frozen, blegh. Really nasty ass soup from Great Value that I need to just chuck, bc unless I put oodles of salt in it i don't think i'll be eating it and i don't need that much salt in my diet. I also have mashed potatoes, cream of mushroom soup and green beens, which are yummy but if i made a good meal, i'd be foodless. I also have icing, nasty icing... it wasn't very tasty and i should have stuck to vanilla when i decided to bake that cake...

Which reminds me.... note to self: throw out icing= its nasty. I also have two boxes of Mac N Cheese. it's delicious but one can only eat it so many days in a row when you have to call it quits with it.

Oh, well, that ends my rant for the night. Thanks for reading if you did. And if i'm just talking to myself. Goodnight self!

Remember to Always Dance Out All The Pains

Dancing

Watching Dancing with the Stars,

I'm surprised by some of the dances... and dancers...

and judges... wowness way to harsh it out to some of the contestants, so let me tell you Bruno it is quite alright for you to calm down a twitch and stop being so mean to the contestants because there is a way to give an opinion rather than being a jackhole. Sorry, you can point out all you want but being mean is unneccessary....

Shelter Cat, Pizza, and Television

Today has been a long day...

Went with a housemate to look at cats at the shelter... I know it sounds like we're crazy cat people or that we need lives... but they are just so adorable and all animals need good loving homes.

Saw one I absolutely loved. Ann adorable long haired mix. She was so sweet. at 5 years old she def needed a home. Anyway rules stated you had to be 21 to fill out the paper work to adopt an animal... I understand its so that they keep youngin' from adopting animals that they can't take care of but come on!!! I think there should be a leeway in that clause like +-30 days or something.

Anyway.... ugh! oh well... very sleepy,

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains.

Following

Wish I had more followers on my blogs.

No one wants to read them...

It's like freedom, and liberty

But, without the gratification of someone commenting on my ramblings.

If I had followers, I would post more interesting bloggettes, But,
I don't

So, Follow and I'll write better.

I promise....





maybe.

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

Post IT

Just installed Microsoft Office 2010 and it's a lot like 2007, only it has a few extra features...

I'm pretty sure I did a happy dance when I originally viewed OneNote with 2007:

I did a double happy dance with 2010 because I was so excited they included it in the new package!!!

Nerd Heaven Absolutely!!!

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

The Visit's The Worst

I hate having to go to the doctor.

I really do.

And now, it seems, that's all I do.

I have no life.

I'm spitting out co-pay after co-pay,

I'll be glad when this week's over.

Remember to Always Dance Out All The Pains

It Feels Like I Went Swimming

Last Night, I hung out with a friend of mine, her husband, and their three year old. I had hung out just to visit since they live out of town. I was playing "laundry was" by dunking the 3yo in and pulling him back up. He was having a blast! And so was I, I hadn't wanted to get wet since I didn't have a suit with or a new change of clothing. That's why I was outside, but you have to watch the 3yo b/c even though he loves to go swimming he's not quite strong enough to pull himself out of the water to breath. I GOT SOAKED. I lifted him onto the ledge of the swimming pool because he was squealing since his grandfather was pretending to be a shark. He soaked me in his haste out of the pool.

Either way it felt like i had gone swimming...

It was a great night either way.

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

Posts Posts

I like having the two blogs because this one is tame, and the other one I say what I want with whatever language is deemed fair for the situation.

You should read the other one. I like it. :)

mysubjectiveimpression.blogspot.com It's like that diary you write everything hateful, spiteful, revealing, painful, sad, happy, and mad in and then burn the pages so no one can read, well, I'm not burning the pages.

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

Immunize Me

I got an email about my externship where I have to get the tb test and the hep b vaccines.

Wish I had known this sooner. I hate shots, just saying.

I would love some more notice on things, but a little stick in the arm is worth this opportunity! Yayness!

Class Confusion

I posted on my other blog a more emphatic post about what happened when a class closed on me while I was making my schedule at school...

This morning someone cancelled their class spot and I jumped on it so that I could get it.

I got my internship/externship that I wanted.

I win!

Remember to always Dance Out The Pains.

A Long Day

It appears the trend continues. It's 216AM. But I checked my financial aid and loans just now and my freaking grant came through!!! I'm so excited. It may only be $500 but it covers the deficit I was sitting at before it came through.

I can't even explain the weight that feels like it's been lifted for that!

I hate all the worrying that I do for school. It turns my stomach when I think about it. But, Now I don't have to think so hard. I know this has to be the path that God intended me to be on or things would still be in the toilet for me and I'd be struggling so much more.

It feels like he gave me all of my medical problems so that I could get what I needed for school. I hate the unbalanced feeling of the trade-off but if it is what I need to go through then I'll do it a million times.

It's been an off day, and now that it's "tomorrow" I feel like things are turning up!

Shut Down Mode

I feel like I'm in Shut Down Mode.

I try to stay but get knocked down.

I stay down and get jerked up.

I feel like I'm in Hibernate Mode.

I sleep but am awakened.

I am awake but am knocked out.

I feel like I'm in Shut Down Mode.

Test Results Are In

So, In my last post I told you about some tests I had to have run to rule out other conditions. Well, it turns out that after everything I've gone through I know have a name form some of the pain. I have cysts on both ovaries. It explains the pain that I've been in and other weird occurrences. It's about 418AM and I'm dead tired. I wish I could sleep but there is just so much going on that I have to deal with with school. So, alas, my brain is going 0 to infinity over and over. I pray that the things that have gone wrong for me can be treated or tolerated. I don't wish them away because I know that that is impractical. I pray that things, other things in my life, get better and start taking a turn for the better. I'm not super spiritual like I used to be, but it appears I need to devote more time to make up for the losses; I guess anyway. What are somethings you are dealing with?

Stay Strong.

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

As I Promised

Later today, as I promised, are the culmination of tests minus 2 that I have to go through with the doctor. I just wish they would hurry up and diagnose the problems officially so that I can move on with treatment.

I know it seems like I've been complaining alot more, but the thing is this is a huge issue in my life today. I wish this were a theme centered blog. It would leave out my subjections but it's not. You are however welcome to comment and tell me about the problems going in your life or how you relate to mine. I don't mind.

Then after that it's off to register for classes!!!

I am so excited. I hope I remember to cal the health department and get the immunz forms. I think I have to have those for tomorrow.... ahh!!!

Well Sweet Dreams,
Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

Put a Smile On Your Face, Make the World a Better Place!

I'm having a pretty good evening. After starting that diet, today is the first day where I don't feel like Hell. I was so getting tired of the months and months of not feeling good and its just amazing how i don't feel like crawling in bed because of the stomach pain, muscle aches, and back aches. It's amazing!

Doc said it was probably interstitial cystitis and let me tell you, it ain't pretty and it ain't fun!

If you think you have it and have been suffering for sometime... Check it out and talk to your doctor. They won't diagnose it if you've only had symptoms for as little as a month but if it is months or a year get it checked out, you could be doing damage to your bladder, and sometimes if it goes too long it becomes irreversible.

I still have more tests to run for all of it but i'm starting to think that this was my issue... :( but :)

I'm watching old Hell's Kitchen episodes. Good Stuff. I'm totally looking forward to the 4th celebrations tomorrow. I love fireworks; I'm kind of a pyro! My and my dad set things alight! Hope you all have safe and fun 4th of Julys!

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

Lazy Summer Days

So, today was the first day since I have been back home that I was able to sleep past 8 in the morning. I did get up at 8, then 1, then 2... But it was my choice.

Had to start a new diet the other day, doctors orders. It's not been fun and it's really bland but i know i'll lose weight on it. Which is, of course, a plus. But, sometimes it's hard to find foods to eat with the family. They can eat some of the most delicious foods and i'm over in a corner snackin on white bread and meat w/o cheese or condiments.

No fair.

But if it helps with the pains and problems I have been having then i'll do it and i'll be healthier for it.

How's everything going in the blogosphere? Well, night night.

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

Decisions Made

So I finally decided on a school,

Seems as though it didn't take so long.

It sucks that everything fell through for me but I hope that this is God's untimely way of telling me where I should be.

Or at least I hope so!

Late Night Good Night

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

Decisions, Decisions

I have to make a decision for school but i am just about to the point of breaking.

After a doctors visit, nausea, fever, and a cold; I need a nap!!!

I have to make a decision like today, but i don't know which school to choose. Each have their own merits but I don't know if i should choose a certain side of the state. I am leaning toward the main state school mostly because it is closer even though it is about 1000 more than the other...

What would you do in this situation? Choose the closer school or choose the school based solely on the cost of education. I have to loan it all out anyway and am looking at about 10-13 K a semester... what should i do?

Remember to Always Dance Out All The Pains

When A Heart Breaks, It Don't Break Even

I'm sitting here toughing it out at about 2 am. I am listening to The Script. There is a huge thunderstorm moving in. I hate storms more than just about anyone can imagine. It's irrational and I've never lost everything to a storm but I'm constantly in fear that I might.

It makes it hard to be stuck up this late. I wish I could have slept through it. I understand why I am up. My brain won't shut down and today the pain was almost intolerable. For those who don't know, I have a back condition and other unknown problems; thanks to a doctor who is hunting and pecking for a diagnosis rather than just running tests.

I was asked today, "rate your pain from 1 to 5. 5 being the worst." I'm sorry but that's just not a detailed enough pain scale for me. I have so many different aches I need more options. :) I know that sounds stupid but it is what it is today.

How many of you suffer from arthritis or other unrelated joint and muscle pains? If you do, then you understand what i go through every day. Picture falling down a flight of stairs only to get up like nothing happened then find a softball size bruise. Now slap it. That's what it feels like all over.

I know I'm just complaining today but if you go back and read my past posts you'll see I don't complain about my aches and pains, but today has been one of the worst days ever. It sucks. I wish there was someway to show my doctor exactly what's wrong with me without insulting them. I'm sorry that I know better; it is what is happening to me at this moment in my life.

At this age, I should not have all of the problems that I do. I wish there was something that I could do. I feel like I just need to go for a 10 mile run, I can hardly make it to the bathroom. I'm hoping that this will pass with the storm that's brewing outside my windows.

It's supposed to be pretty ugly today. I hate storms because the pressure changes put strain on my joints.

Well, If you have made it this far in my post and you've read it all, please comment on it. I appreciate it and I want to read your blog since you have taken the time to read mine.

Have a wonderful night.

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

Sadden Day

Had to put down an animal today. Most upset I've ever seen a grandparent.

Today is a Blah day.

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

UPDATE

I am writing a second post for the evening, I have deleted 16 posts. I feel neglectful to my blog because I have been so far behind on updating. It is a great stress reliever. I hope to be better and keep up with this more attentively in days to come.

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

3 Days Until I Go Home

So, It's three days until I start driving back home. Everything fell through the bottom and I have to move. It's unfortunate, but it's pretty much how my life story goes. I hate that it has happened, but I'll deal. I have a question, do you read my blog? Can you post a comment so that I can read your blog, too?

This blog seemed like so much fun when I first signed on. Now, it feels silly because no one reads it.

goodnight,

Remember to Always Dance Out All The Pains

Cleaning Decks

It's been a hard day; had to clean the deck today.

After moving about 10 days ago, then to all the chores around here. I'm exhausted!

Time for Bed, Wish I got on here more. Sorry i've let you down.

Night,
Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains!

Long Day

Nuff Said...

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

Sleeping in a Box

I know I haven't posted in a little while but here goes,

These are pictures of cats sleeping boxes, a fellow blogger, Ruslana, did them, they have full credit.
Start from simple sleeping on your back...

Author: ClausM

...or on your side.

Author: sevargyma

Use the box side as a pillow.

Author: Woodenship

If you are longhair, use the benefit of your coat and tail.

Author: oskay

Remember that you and your box must nearly amalgamate.

Author: Gini~

Use your imagination: try S-like positions...

Author: ClausM

...or C-like positions...

Author: PunkyBrewster

...or even L-like ones.

Author: georginchen

If you totally trust your humans, relax your back legs to the maximun.

Author: JnL

Sometimes O-like positions do not fit the box well, but you can always make an experiment.

Author: suziesparkle

...or stretch just one paw out, like this (back paw)...

Author: gui.tavares

...or like this (front paw).

Author: roguedragon23

Invite your friend to join you...

Author: choytony

...and enjoy it.

Author: choytony

Your humans may wonder how you can sleep like that...

Author: taurussun

...ignore them and enjoy.

Author: Borrowed Periscope

Perhaps they will not even notice you.

Author: (_)

Try disguising to avoid unwanted attention...

Author: matti naskali

...or you can hide in an absilutely unexpected box.

Author: simplybecka

This position is for experienced yoga cats...

Author: Feodora Umanov

...as well as this one.

Author: Smeebot

Even small boxes can do.

Author: janekeeler

Be creative.

Author: eugenethephotobug

...practice makes perfect. To get more experience, use as a box any structure you can find.

Author: Gandinis

Like I said, I thought these were absolutely adorable when I went to this bloggers website, http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1oVwgU/mysmelly.com/Archive/TopComfortableWaysSleeping-Box/cvdcc/post.htm/r:f. so amazing!

Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

Late Night With An Incurable Optimist

So, I started reading Micheal J. Fox's Always Looking Up, The Adventures Of An Incurable Optimist. I want to clarify that Parkinson's Research is one of the biggest goals in my life and support for this disease is so important. I've lost one of the most important people in my life to PD and cancer and have another who has been diagnosed.

So needles to say, it's important to me.

So, i'm only part way into Part I: Work and knowing fully that before I opened the novel I was already a huge fan of Micheal's, this book has already changed my life. The way he describes his day to day challenges and his trials throughout his early years, of diagnosis, force me to remember all of the trials I witnessed myself.

I remember the shuffling gait, the stooped posture, the tremors, the fidgits, the dementia, the medication. If you have ever dealt with this with a family memeber or friend, or yourself, you know how taxing it can be on your emotions. It's so hard to watch someone struggle with this and knowing in your heart that there is nothing you can do to fix it.

At least not right now. Research is still in my opinion 15 years from being applicable to the situation. Parkinson's is so different for everyone that it effects because everyone's brain is hardwired differently. If we were all wired the same, and how boring would that be, we would have had a cure for this years ago. But, being as it is, we don't and we aren't.

I would just like to personally thank those effected by PD for their never ending strength and for those who are looking at the darker side, please please please, keep your head up, and be like Mike!!! be an incurable optimist, because it could always be worse. Be so thankful for the time you have and had. It only gets better, or as Micheal puts it, "it only gets... worse." But I don't think he means that life gets harder. But, that life could get harder. You could choose to dwell on the hard parts or you could just get over it and enjoy what you have now so that you'll always have those memories.

I hope that you get the opportunity to read this book. It is amazing and it helps for funding his foundation. I know he doesn't pocket all of the money because he is far too dedicated in the research and foundation and you pick that up on the first page.

So for the most fitting of exits for the evening,
Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains

Bicycles, Dancing, and Losing Big

I was reading an article in the New York Times this evening; it was about a man with end-stage Parkinson's Disease who could ride a bicycle with ease.

The news comes because of the way the neural pathways are formed in the brain. Walking and running are pathways that are linked in one area of the brain whereas riding a bike requires a different set of skills and thus is wired in a separate part.

With those two not in the same area, Parkinson's doesn't affect them, normally, at the same time. This man had a conditionary symptom that disallowed him to walk normally, he stumbled and froze in place because of it, but after seeing him jump on a bicycle and ride around like it was as easy as breathing, it was amazing. It gives me so much hope for my career and my options in the medical field. I'm so excited!

Here's the link: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/01/health/01parkinsons.html?ref=research

I hope you check it out!!!

I also read, since i couldn't watch, that Kate Gosselin is safe this week and Buzz Aldrin is gone. I would rather see Buzz that Kate anyday. She's just too whiny. If you need someone to work with you Kate, don't cry about it and yell like a 4-yr old. Just tell them! I think people who voted for her more often just wanted to see her trainwreck each week.

She was horrible. I'm sorry Kate, but you're too stiff, and your face looks like your going to hurl, either ease up or go home. Chill out and enjoy this, don't get pissed at Tony everytime you don't get something. Take some advice from the PD patient and his ability to ride a bicycle, Chill out and believe in yourself.

I also am watching some Biggest Loser! I am upset at the people who a couple weeks ago, I think Week 10, the people who ate the cupcakes, You are rude, hateful people who resort to giving people minutes b/c your too lazy to do the work yourself. Why work hard and be proud for it even if you go home when you can be lowdown and hateful? wow what a wonderful story to teach your children, family, and friends.

Good Night
Remember to always Dance Out All The Pains!